Trau­matic brain over­load is common with infor­ma­tion over­loads caused by Inter­net explo­sive devices (IEDs) or pene­trating thoughts. These types of over­loads have become rela­tively common in U.S. mili­tary forces who have remotely logged into Iraq and Afghanistan…

Click here to read the full Air Force press release.

The famous “arrowhead insignia” will bolster morale among uniformed personnel, many of whom are longtime fans of the legendary TV shows & movies. “Our peer-equivalent Airmen will become more effective in cyber and space” because they’ll be wearing the same futuristic emblem on their uniforms…

Click here to read the full Air Force press release.

A “staff summary sheet” reveals that a retired four-star general “said he had heard that Chairforce.com played some sort of role in” the death of Air Force Cyberspace Command. “There is a .85 probability that [the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs] was swayed to request [AFCYBER's] postponement based on the supposed humor at Chairforce.com…”

Click here to read the staff summary sheet.

A member of the U.S. Navy “goat locker” fraternity asked for a motivational poster … based on Air Force Cyberspace Command’s humiliating classified publicity photo. The caption reads “OPSEC HORROR: Sanitize your work area BEFORE the photographer arrives.”

Right-click here to save the motivational poster to your computer. Bonus: click here for a serious review of AFCYBER’s classified publicity photo.

The U.S. Federal Emergency Management Agency training website got snared in the honeyblog with a document authored by B. Wayne Blanchard, Ph.D. We also archived the original document in all its glory…

Alex Lee looks through an F-16 Fighting Falcon simu­la­tor head-up display during a simu­lated mission Aug. 22 at Eielson Air Force Base, Alaska. Alex was born with con­gen­i­tal heart defects and Down syn­drome and was selected by the Make-A-Wish Foun­da­tion for the Pilot for a Day pro­gram. The pur­pose of the pro­gram is to ease the pain of children who lost a normal child­hood due to ill­nesses or disa­bilities. (U.S. Air Force photo/Airman 1st Class Jona­than Snyder)

I check the U.S. Air Force website daily for any photos I can “recaption” on the parody website. The one seen here instantly caught my eye, titled “Eielson Airmen turn child into pilot for a day.” A recaptioned title practically writes itself: “Youngest commissioned pilot joins Cyberspace Command…”

…But I also know the Air Force & all of her sister services do amazing things all over the world for kids in need. MSgt Michael Maltz, for example, lost his life on a mission to rescue two injured children in Afghanistan. In 2003 I conducted an interview with an Air Force doctor whose team absolutely refused to give up on an Iraqi girl with burns over nearly her entire body. I know for a fact Airmen in Iraq routinely visited orphanages in 2003 just to give those kids the love & attention they so rightfully deserve.

And I just can’t bring myself to recaption a photo like this one. It tugs at my heartstrings.

Who knows why. Maybe it’s because I saw too many children in pain during my Iraq tour — from a young boy mangled by an improvised explosive, to a baby killed in a car bombing. Or maybe it’s because I volunteered for the Muscular Dystrophy summer camps in the 1970s & 1980s. I don’t know.

“But Rob, what about this recaptioned photo?” You ask a very good question. I stand on two points: (1) it focuses on the Airman, not the child in the designer hoodie; and (2) it involves donated school supplies. In other words, it’s one of many {ahem} banal feel-good PR photos out there.

But take heart. There is a line I won’t cross for recaptioned photos…

HumorControl.org has taken on a new look & feel for its main page. But don’t worry: we’ve still got all that great content you love so much!

Let’s cut to the chase. I’m going to tell you my master plan for the next 25 years. I’ll reveal it on this website because I want you to wonder if I’m serious.

After my wife died, I used the life insurance money to buy my cohort out of Vmyths. After long thought, I’ve decided I will run no ads. Period. Not at Vmyths, not at SecurityCritics, and not at HumorControl. I’m getting close to the day when I can retire and, quite frankly, I can afford a simple hobby like this.

When I finally retire, I’m going to drive my RV to military bases all over the country. I’ll stay as long as it takes to peruse their historical archives. I will "consult the ancient scrolls" that discuss military cyber security in the quarter-century between 1985-2010. Then I’ll drive off somewhere and analyze what I found.

And I’ll upload all of my research to the web for free.

"Waitaminit, Rob, you could turn it into a book and make a few bucks!" Yeah, but why? My financial advisor assures me I can afford to do obscure research from the comfort of my RV when I finally retire. That’s what I want to do and I’m going to do it.

My retirement is still a few years out and I understand the value of a dollar. I won’t run ads or sell books — but I’ll gladly let anyone buy me out. That’s right: you can finally snatch the white hat from my balding head. You’ll own everything at Vmyths & SecurityCritics & HumorControl. Lock, stock, and barrel. I’ll toss you my white hat and go straight into retirement.

Mind you, I don’t actually need the money. My retirement plan will fund all of my research efforts if I let it percolate for the next 8-10 years. If no one takes me up on the offer, I’ll just continue to wear my white hat and make a hobby out of criticizing the computer security industrial complex.

The total cash price in 2008 is US$1.5 million and it will drop $75K each year. In 2010 I’ll sell out for $1.35M in cash; in 2012 I’ll sell out for $1.2M; and so on. "Why would you drop the price each year, Rob?" Because I know what I need to retire on and I don’t need to be greedy. I’m here to change the world, not to get rich.

"Will you include House 2.0 in this buyout?" My RV is my home; I sold the house at no profit to a military veteran after Denise died. His family struggles to make ends meet, so I helped them out. I even left behind one server for each kid as a gift. Like I said: I’m here to change the world, not to get rich.

I’ll retract this offer in 8-10 years when I’ve got enough money to fund my research project. If that happens — if I actually retire with my white hat — then may Heaven help the computer security industrial complex. They’ll be fully entwined in the military-industrial complex by then, you know.

So if you’re a gazillionaire who’d love to see me do research on the military’s initial forays into computer security … or if you’re a vendor who’d love to buy the white hat from an annoying computer security critic … well, here’s your chance. $1.5M in 2008.

The company insists “we were very careful to obtain an implicit agreement that Beijing would only use our Digital Weapon™ products in the pursuit of peaceful international cooperation…”

Click here to read the full press release.