Computer terrorist enjoys the good life

Kevin Mitnick is one of the world's most famous computer terrorists and became a cause celebré after breaking into networks and stealing software at companies including Sun Microsystems and Motorola. Now Mitnick, from the United States, jetsets around the world, sometimes at the expense of government taxpayers. That's quite a change from a few years ago when prison officials wouldn't let him use his own fingers to dial a telephone.

"Being incarcerated for years without trial was the best thing that ever happened to me," the computer terrorist told a Reuters reporter. "I launched my own consulting company, and I wrote two books, and I've been on national television, and there's a documentary about me, and of course I'm a member of the Screen Actors Guild, and I've testified before Congress, and computer security groups fly me around the world at their expense. I tell you, the government's decision to ignore 'habeas corpus' did wonders for my career!"

Mitnick encouraged terrorists being held without trial at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib to "embrace" their loss of human rights. "They should definitely read my books and learn some computer skills," he said. "Take it from me -- computer security experts love to hobnob with cyber-terrorists."

Mitnick disclosed more "perks" that go with a career in computer terrorism. "I'm negotiating to take over Keifer Sutherland's role on the hit TV show '24', and I'm on the ballot for public office in six U.S. states and two Canadian provinces, and Ron Jeremy has offered me a cameo in his next porn film. It's all uphill for me."

Mitnick revealed he will soon will fly back to the U.S. to begin a new reign of computer terrorism. "I can't wait to be incarcerated again without trial," he said. "If one stint in prison was this good to me, just imagine what a 'return engagement' will do for my career! I'm going to be a billionaire by the time I turn fifty."

Mitnick offered useful tips for terrorists being held in U.S. military prisons. "First, get yourself a publicity agent who knows the computer security entertainment industry. That's very important. Second, write a book about how you programmed a TRS-80 computer to disable enemy tanks in the 1980s when the Soviets invaded Afghanistan. Third, learn how to 'social engineer' the reporters who work at Reuters and the Associated Press. That's very important, too. Then just sit back and wait for all the keynote speech offers!"

The world's most famous computer terrorist said "2006 is looking pretty good for me." In January he received a commission in the U.S. Air Force. "I'm the commander of the 39th Information Operations Squadron," he explained. In February, he carried the torch that lit the flame at the Winter Olympics opening ceremony. "I slept in a bungalow in the Olympic commission's villa," he bragged. In March, he was praised by Joan Rivers as one of the five best dressed men at the Academy Awards show. "Her daughter [Melissa Rivers] asked me to autograph her breast," he said with a sly wink.

Mitnick, now in his early 40s, started his computer terrorism spree as a bored teenager. His hobby earned him a place on the FBI's most wanted list and an almost five-year stint in U.S. jail in the 1990s. On his release he was initially banned from surfing the Web, "which was fantastic 'cannon fodder' for my publicity agent," he said. Mitnick has since written two books about computer terrorism and started a computer terrorism consulting firm which doubles as the headquarters for his fan club.

The companies & governments he once terrorized now pay him to terrorize their network administrators. "You wouldn't believe how much they pay computer terrorists," he said. "I won't even get out of bed these days for less than ten grand."