My master plan to write a tell-all book about the Pentagon’s cyber-security and upload it to the Internet so everyone can read it for free

January 20th, 2008 by | Print
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Let’s cut to the chase. I’m going to tell you my master plan for the next 25 years. I’ll reveal it on this website because I want you to wonder if I’m serious.

After my wife died, I used the life insurance money to buy my cohort out of Vmyths. After long thought, I’ve decided I will run no ads. Period. Not at Vmyths, not at SecurityCritics, and not at HumorControl. I’m getting close to the day when I can retire and, quite frankly, I can afford a simple hobby like this.

When I finally retire, I’m going to drive my RV to military bases all over the country. I’ll stay as long as it takes to peruse their historical archives. I will "consult the ancient scrolls" that discuss military cyber security in the quarter-century between 1985-2010. Then I’ll drive off somewhere and analyze what I found.

And I’ll upload all of my research to the web for free.

"Waitaminit, Rob, you could turn it into a book and make a few bucks!" Yeah, but why? My financial advisor assures me I can afford to do obscure research from the comfort of my RV when I finally retire. That’s what I want to do and I’m going to do it.

My retirement is still a few years out and I understand the value of a dollar. I won’t run ads or sell books — but I’ll gladly let anyone buy me out. That’s right: you can finally snatch the white hat from my balding head. You’ll own everything at Vmyths & SecurityCritics & HumorControl. Lock, stock, and barrel. I’ll toss you my white hat and go straight into retirement.

Mind you, I don’t actually need the money. My retirement plan will fund all of my research efforts if I let it percolate for the next 8-10 years. If no one takes me up on the offer, I’ll just continue to wear my white hat and make a hobby out of criticizing the computer security industrial complex.

The total cash price in 2008 is US$1.5 million and it will drop $75K each year. In 2010 I’ll sell out for $1.35M in cash; in 2012 I’ll sell out for $1.2M; and so on. "Why would you drop the price each year, Rob?" Because I know what I need to retire on and I don’t need to be greedy. I’m here to change the world, not to get rich.

"Will you include House 2.0 in this buyout?" My RV is my home; I sold the house at no profit to a military veteran after Denise died. His family struggles to make ends meet, so I helped them out. I even left behind one server for each kid as a gift. Like I said: I’m here to change the world, not to get rich.

I’ll retract this offer in 8-10 years when I’ve got enough money to fund my research project. If that happens — if I actually retire with my white hat — then may Heaven help the computer security industrial complex. They’ll be fully entwined in the military-industrial complex by then, you know.

So if you’re a gazillionaire who’d love to see me do research on the military’s initial forays into computer security … or if you’re a vendor who’d love to buy the white hat from an annoying computer security critic … well, here’s your chance. $1.5M in 2008.

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